I know my blog has turned from a happy, fun time into a pit of despair
over the passed year and I am trying to rejuvenate myself to write like I
used to write. This is will probably not be one of those funny, good
time posts though so be warned. Although it will have a positive twist
at the end.
Have you ever had a really good day or week just
to come crashing back to reality and feeling depressed and hopeless? You
want those good times to roll on your entire life but they don't. No
matter how hard you try to carry on with the mind numbing chore of
day-to-day living sometimes you just feel as though there is no point.
I've been having those feelings which I haven't had this bad since my
early 20s (I am no where near as bad as i was but I also didn't use an outlet for what I was going through so kinda
hoping this blog helps even if no one reads it).The feeling that even
though there are some good times they are too few and there is no way to
make sure these good times stick around everyday. It makes me want to
stay in bed all day and wait for time to go on by. My motivation drops
to zero and I just don't care about things I should care about (Like
myself).
This is my blog and I will write these
thoughts if I want to. Am I forcing you to read them? No! So if you are
one of those holier than thou types who think people should "be more
like them" please move along. You are not wanted here (Unless you want
to buy a print or order a custom picture or something? in that case
E-mail me *wink*). My school work is definitely suffering though. I find
the ego-driven nature of it to be unbearable at times to the point I'd
just like to quit even though I can see the finish line. I really want
to start work on my own film idea I have had for years and see if I can
make something come from it but I know there is course work to be done
first.
I HATE Wednesdays. Hate them. 9 hour class days, takes 2
hours to get there, 2+ hours to get home, add the fact that it is
freezing right now and the whole day is acting like we are at a 'Job'
working on someone else's project. From 9am till 6pm pretending we are
working for a fake company on a short film. Harsh criticisms and
constant changing of minds on what is wanted. Reminding you how badly
you have missed a deadline for something you have never made before and
how you would have been fired or demoted. How can they expect you to
work like you care when you are losing money by doing the job? Not only
are we paying to be there we are also paying to travel there and they
are expecting you to take it seriously like you would a real job? You
get what you pay for! Now I journeyed into the world of 3D to create
cartoons. My own, a group effort or a cartoon show. Never did I want to
work on a crappy superhero. movie. I think I'd rather jump in front of a
bus than work on Avengers 17. If it was the Avengers 17: Back to the
80s then yes i could work on that movie and I'd have a passion for it
(Especially if Prince was in it and he slapped all the Avengers down,
That would be sweet) but if it wasn't back to the 80s I most likely
wouldn't even apply for the job. I got into this thing to maybe have a
job I loved to go to, if I hate it what is the point? If I was to have a
job I hated I would at least want it to be a meaningful job. Seriously
they act like missing a deadline, getting a quad out of place or a file
named incorrectly is a life and death situation. Calm down! Most movies
made these days are totally meaningless and advertisements are even more
meaningless so stop acting like it's a heart transplant. Man I don't
know? How did the world come to this? Money is everything? Money
shouldn't even exist.
OK! I think I need to get tot the
POSITIVE aspect of my post. Let me take you back to when I was 17. I was
taking Visual Design which was my favourite class and one lesson I had a
conversation with a friend which kind of stuck with me. A seemingly
meaningless conversation with a guy named Alan. Honestly one of the
nicest dudes I have ever met (Weird cause one of the worst people I've
every dealt with was also named Alan "it's Do-able") and I wish I could
remember his last name so I could look him up and see how he is doing.
Anyway he was talking about whether I would ever consider hanging an
artwork I created up in my home. One of his goals was to hang his
artwork up in his house and display it. At the time I really couldn't
see myself ever being able to do it. I liked art, loved drawing and
wanted to be a cartoonist but I was never proud of anything I did. After
high school I gave up on art especially when troubled times came and I
was really depressed but every time I drew something or created
something I always thought about "Wold I ever hang something I created
in my own home?". After a few years of practicing I think i can finally
answer that question with a Yes. I'm by no means perfect and I am always
improving but my latest drawing has made me feel quite proud of where I
was with my art to where I am now. Here it is, My finished artwork of
Olivia Cooke as Emma Decody in Bates Motel:
I will be getting prints made of this one and may even colour it like my
Norman one I did over a year ago now. Who knows I may even hang a print
in my room.
This is my blog and I do what I want but I will try and get back to the comedy from the Kanga Banga days eventually.
Stay Frosty
